She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So much Jack, so little girl.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
