I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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