Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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