I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize