You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm bleeding and have questions
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
