and my herpes radar will keep us safe
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
