Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he thought i was a dude.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
