I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
