All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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