Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
