lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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