Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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