we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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