you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
