tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
