Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
