I haven't been this sober since birth.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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