im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
