Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
