btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
