So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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