i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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