careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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