We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
