my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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