She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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