tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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