I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
