is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
