i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Randomize
