Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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