all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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