I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
