My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
