the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
