when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
