There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
