I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
