dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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