Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
