Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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