2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
