Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think my vagina is haunted
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
