C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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