Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
