I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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