Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
