do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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