I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
