so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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