his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
