I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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