Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
