also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
please come you make the beer taste better
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
