Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
