I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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