i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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