Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
