rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
