i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
