you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
