hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
as a side note pls kill me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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