Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
