Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
my being single is dangerous.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
