I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
