highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
