y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
