he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
