Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We smell like vodka and hangover
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