hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
