at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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