Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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