I love black thongs
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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