so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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