Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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