i think i have herpe
just one?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
