It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
