if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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